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Talking about the relationships…

Figuring out the list of desired qualities in a potential mate is just like trying to read an ingredient list on a menu at a fancy restaurant — No, Cynthia, I don’t know what pommes frites are and I am not sure I want them in my charcuterie plate. Luckily, you don’t have to eat your partner, even though an incautious choice of a mate could still make you nauseated. General psychology talks about five important qualities that could be combined to a more or less tolerable human being. Here they are in order of importance.

First in the list is extraversion. We all know and like that guy who cracks jokes and makes every party a blast. Unfortunately, the statistics show that this very guy is highly likely to follow up his joke with drunk driving or wife abandonment. While being open and merry with the world leads to a greater social network, the associated risks may overweight the benefits. Hence, a tip for the ladies — marry a nerd; he only goes out to explore in World of Warcraft, and why do you care if he thinks he is a dwarf anyway?

Next trait on the menu is a big one. It is also as hard to spell as a dessert name from a french restaurant — neuroticism. Remember the girlfriend who was always giving you shit? Aye, Capitan, that’s your practical experience with overlooking important qualities associated with neuroticism, such as anxiety, concern, guilt, wariness and depression. If a person threshold for feeling stress equal to that of a 3-year-old for wanting a new toy, bad things will follow. She may get jealous from imagining you flirting with other women, or she may suffer from chronic stress, depression and other devastating mental disorders that can lead to physical health issues, less the relentless worry, suspicion, and neediness. This is the kind of girlfriend who will drive to your house and break your car windows because you haven’t returned her one thousand first text message the very second she sent it.

We are down to number three — conscientiousness. Conscientious is when your partner really fucking means what they say. A quality, demonstrated through trustworthiness, self-discipline and the sense of duty, is the one that will bless your relationship if your girlfriend possesses it. The only downside is that she is likely not to have sex with anyone but you, then again, you don’t mind, do you?

Conscientiousness goes hand in hand with agreeableness. Crazy people don’t usually agree with you unless you are telling them that they are not crazy. Remember how your argument went the last time you tried to convince your jealous-ridden girlfriend that you were really out with the fellas? Yeap, she stabbed you with a fork. Agreeableness is associated with empathy, trust, perspective taking and general consensus seeking. There are many ways to resolve an argument in a relationship — you can scream, break dishes, get a divorce, have sex, talk shit or you can just sit down and discuss the issues. You know, the good old “when you did X, I felt Y, I would rather you do Z” from Emotional Intelligence, which today is like a postcard from your grandpa with a relationship advice — just spank her with a stick thinner than your thumb. Everyone knows about it, but no one applies. The downside of strong agreeableness is yet again a low sexual partner count, which is nice, isn’t it?

Openness. Yes, you made it to the fifth and the last one. Openness is like a gym’s shower — it’s nice to be clean, but you have to look at other naked dudes. Here is why. Being open to the world and experiences may be caused by two qualities — creativity or psychosis. If the source lies in creativity, it’s all good. If it lies in psychosis, you get to look at naked man showering their genitalia. The difference is especially noticeable when open girlfriend either playing Mozart or twisting squirrels’ heads in your backyard.

With that we end our survey of delicious mate qualities, so now when you look at the menu, you won’t be second guessing if that shit is good for you. Should you fancy to read more, refer to a book by Geher & Miller — Mating Intelligence.