Your self-esteem will go down.

That’s how I felt after a year of working with him. We got comfy with each other and that suddenly it’s not all romantic and cheesy. It was mostly about work. He starts to correct me and that’s because he does not only see me as his girlfriend anymore but also his coworker who is working with him to reach his goal. For me, that sucks. The person who I thought admires me so much doesn’t anymore (that’s what I think) because he corrects me and gets frustrated with me. Before, all he talks about is how wonderful I am (and that really brings your confidence and belief with yourself up you know.) But then the person who you felt loved the most is telling you now what you did wrong and what you failed to do. I felt miserable with my self. Honestly, I hated our startup at that moment and because of that we started arguing.

I’ve been working with my husband for 6 years now and counting. Now my husband partnered and co-owned a web development company and that strengthen my belief that you should not work with your spouse.

You will have almost nothing to talk about.

Yes, because you are almost together 24/7. We share all the happenings of the day. I sometimes miss those days that we are so excited to meet each other and can’t wait to share all my stories with him. Now, that only happens if I go out alone or to meet with friends or he goes to a business trip or a meeting or to meet with his friends.

Your spouse will correct you rather than encourage you.

Yup! Perks of working with your spouse. Haha! This is so depressing. I think I already explained this one on the first point as well.

Partners! Attention please. I know you are thinking about work but your priority is to be a husband to your wife or a wife to your husband and not a boss or coworker. When he or she is stressed, comfort or encouraged him or her first and then in a loving way tell them what they can do. Corrections are easily welcomed if a person knows that this person talking to me loves me. Lay a strong foundation first.

A tip: Do the sandwich methodology. Hahaha! You know the kiss-kick-kiss? Say first something good then you can tell them what’s wrong or bad and then seal it with something good or an encouragement again.

Home is still like in the office.

When you get home you still talk about work. It’s like you never got out of the office. Supposedly, home is where you get comfort and encouragement but it’s not really because refer to the third point.

And that’s my last main reason why you shouldn’t work for your spouse. Some of you cannot relate with me and disagrees with me. Good for you! Don’t get me wrong, there are great advantages of working with or for your husband but I just really feel overwhelmed with the disadvantages sometimes. So before you decide on working with your spouse, those are the things you might want to think about.

But as I was thinking and struggling with this I realised something. I imagined myself not working with my husband, then I decided that I would still choose this path. I would rather be mad, frustrated or stressed with or at him than miss him. Hahaha! You must be thinking that I am so lame. No, it’s love. Hahaha! But seriously, yes, it’s really hard for me to work if he is not around because I always think about what he is doing now or where he is or how is he. And it’s hard for me to concentrate. I can focus more on work if I know he is just somewhere in the office. If I was not working with him and working somewhere else I think I would always be in a hurry to finish what I need to do so I can see him right away. (Which is not bad, actually. Hahaha!)

Because of this realizations, I give you this intermission break: I’d Rather by Luther Vandross

Just as the song goes.. “I’d rather be beside you in a storm than safe and warm by myself.”

Maybe someday we will eventually be working separately but for now I will continue to work with him for as long as I can. It is a privilege to be working with him side by side on reaching his dreams and to change the world.

My husband is awesome but not perfect. I have my own flaws too. We talk and still continue to talk about things that we have a problem with and our struggles. We don’t agree at most times so we decide on what we both can do so we do not become so much of a burden to each other. We compromise and sometimes sacrifice. In a relationship, communication is really key to making things and situations work.

Figuring out the list of desired qualities in a potential mate is just like trying to read an ingredient list on a menu at a fancy restaurant — No, Cynthia, I don’t know what pommes frites are and I am not sure I want them in my charcuterie plate. Luckily, you don’t have to eat your partner, even though an incautious choice of a mate could still make you nauseated. General psychology talks about five important qualities that could be combined to a more or less tolerable human being. Here they are in order of importance.

First in the list is extraversion. We all know and like that guy who cracks jokes and makes every party a blast. Unfortunately, the statistics show that this very guy is highly likely to follow up his joke with drunk driving or wife abandonment. While being open and merry with the world leads to a greater social network, the associated risks may overweight the benefits. Hence, a tip for the ladies — marry a nerd; he only goes out to explore in World of Warcraft, and why do you care if he thinks he is a dwarf anyway?

Next trait on the menu is a big one. It is also as hard to spell as a dessert name from a french restaurant — neuroticism. Remember the girlfriend who was always giving you shit? Aye, Capitan, that’s your practical experience with overlooking important qualities associated with neuroticism, such as anxiety, concern, guilt, wariness and depression. If a person threshold for feeling stress equal to that of a 3-year-old for wanting a new toy, bad things will follow. She may get jealous from imagining you flirting with other women, or she may suffer from chronic stress, depression and other devastating mental disorders that can lead to physical health issues, less the relentless worry, suspicion, and neediness. This is the kind of girlfriend who will drive to your house and break your car windows because you haven’t returned her one thousand first text message the very second she sent it.

We are down to number three — conscientiousness. Conscientious is when your partner really fucking means what they say. A quality, demonstrated through trustworthiness, self-discipline and the sense of duty, is the one that will bless your relationship if your girlfriend possesses it. The only downside is that she is likely not to have sex with anyone but you, then again, you don’t mind, do you?

Conscientiousness goes hand in hand with agreeableness. Crazy people don’t usually agree with you unless you are telling them that they are not crazy. Remember how your argument went the last time you tried to convince your jealous-ridden girlfriend that you were really out with the fellas? Yeap, she stabbed you with a fork. Agreeableness is associated with empathy, trust, perspective taking and general consensus seeking. There are many ways to resolve an argument in a relationship — you can scream, break dishes, get a divorce, have sex, talk shit or you can just sit down and discuss the issues. You know, the good old “when you did X, I felt Y, I would rather you do Z” from Emotional Intelligence, which today is like a postcard from your grandpa with a relationship advice — just spank her with a stick thinner than your thumb. Everyone knows about it, but no one applies. The downside of strong agreeableness is yet again a low sexual partner count, which is nice, isn’t it?

Openness. Yes, you made it to the fifth and the last one. Openness is like a gym’s shower — it’s nice to be clean, but you have to look at other naked dudes. Here is why. Being open to the world and experiences may be caused by two qualities — creativity or psychosis. If the source lies in creativity, it’s all good. If it lies in psychosis, you get to look at naked man showering their genitalia. The difference is especially noticeable when open girlfriend either playing Mozart or twisting squirrels’ heads in your backyard.

With that we end our survey of delicious mate qualities, so now when you look at the menu, you won’t be second guessing if that shit is good for you. Should you fancy to read more, refer to a book by Geher & Miller — Mating Intelligence.